“Sports Is My Only Friend”
– and honestly, that’s going pretty well.
– and honestly, that’s going pretty well.
About Kip
- Bio: I watch sports with the emotional intensity of a playoff final and the social skills of a malfunctioning spreadsheet.
- Specialties: overreacting to preseason friendlies, refreshing stats pages, writing 2,000 words about bench players.
- Email: pleasebemyfriend@kipdrordy.com
- Status: Trying very hard to be taken seriously by people who do not know I exist.
Live Biometrics
Data syncing from Kip's smartwatch...
Resting Heart Rate
132 BPM
Chrome Tabs Open
84
Lifetime Stat Refreshes
33,842,910,244,102
Friends
Friends (0)
Kip would love to be your friend, but legally he is only allowed to be friends with sports.
Kip’s Timeline
I am currently holding three different stat sheets and none of them explain why my heart is beating this fast.
Wrote 1,947 words about a substitution that technically did not change the result of the match. Emotionally, however, it changed everything.
Refreshed the live stats page 412 times during a single game. New personal best. Not sure if I should be proud or deeply concerned.
They told me I could write “anything sports‑related.” I am choosing to interpret that as a lifelong, irrevocable contract. Please do not tell legal.